tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93427802011-11-08T02:42:13.131-08:00The lighter side of language learning. Who says learning the English language can't be fun? I don't! Improve your English with funny jokes, quotes and riddles.Blabberwockynoreply@blogger.comBlogger61100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9342780.post-1102139081004323742004-12-03T21:32:00.000-08:002005-05-26T09:50:37.060-07:00<span style="font-family:arial;">An oxymoron is a figure of speach in which opposite or contradictory ideas or terms are combined. The result can sometimes be quite funny. Here are some examples:<br /></span> <ul> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Act naturally</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Happily married</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Microsoft Works</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Holy war</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Found missing</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Resident alien</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Military intelligence</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Minor catastrophe</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Affordable housing</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Near miss</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Great depression</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Canadian army</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Phone sex</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">United nations</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Advanced BASIC</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Genuine imitation</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Death benefits</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Airline Food</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Women's rights</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Good grief</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Same difference</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Almost exactly</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Sensitive man</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Government organization</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Everything except</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Civil War</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Good kid</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Sanitary landfill</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Alone together</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Legally drunk</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Silent scream</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">British fashion</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Living dead</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Small crowd</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Business ethics</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Soft rock</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Butt Head</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Military Intelligence</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Software documentation</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">New York culture</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">New classic</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Sweet sorrow</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Child proof</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">"Now, then"</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Synthetic natural gas</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Christian Scientists</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Passive aggressive</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Taped live</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Clearly misunderstood</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Peace force</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Extinct Life</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Temporary tax increase</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">New and improved</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Computer jock</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Plastic glasses</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Terribly pleased</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Computer security</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Political science</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Tight slacks</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Definite maybe</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Pretty ugly</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Twelve-ounce pound cake</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Diet ice cream</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Rap music</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Working vacation</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Exact estimate</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Religious tolerance</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Freezer Burn</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Honest Politician</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Jumbo Shrimp</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Loners Club</span></li> <li><span style="font-family:arial;">Postal Service </span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-style: italic;">Know any good jokes?</span><br /> <span style="font-style: italic;">Feel free to make a contributio to blabberwocky@vec.ca</span><br /><br /> <span style="font-style: italic;">For more English language resources, see the Vancouver English Centre site.</span><br /> <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Vancouver English Centre</span><br /> <a style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.vec.ca/">http://www.vec.ca</a></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/9342780-110213908100432374?l=english-humor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Blabberwockynoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9342780.post-1102052527167092442004-12-02T21:41:00.001-08:002005-05-26T09:44:18.510-07:00<span style="font-family:arial;">Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to the local police station, where they saw pictures of the 10 Most Wanted men tacked to a bulletin board. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly." </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">So Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Know any good jokes?</span><br /> <span style="font-style: italic;">Feel free to make a contributio to blabberwocky@vec.ca</span><br /><br /> <span style="font-style: italic;">For more English language resources, see the Vancouver English Centre site.</span><br /> <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Vancouver English Centre</span><br /> <a style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.vec.ca/">http://www.vec.ca</a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/9342780-110205252716709244?l=english-humor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Blabberwockynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9342780.post-1101967346192737982004-12-01T22:00:00.000-08:002005-05-26T09:43:52.253-07:00<span style="font-family:Arial;"></span>A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."<br /><br />A voice from the back of the room piped up, "<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Yeah, right</span>."<br /><br />Don't understand the joke? "<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Yeah, right.</span>" is a slang expression which actually means "<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">I don't think so.</span>" Technically, however, it is a double positive, which proves the professor wrong.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Know any good jokes?</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Feel free to make a contributio to blabberwocky@vec.ca</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">For more English language resources, see the Vancouver English Centre site.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Vancouver English Centre</span><br /><a style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.vec.ca/">http://www.vec.ca</a><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/9342780-110196734619273798?l=english-humor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Blabberwockynoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9342780.post-1101872911307862612004-11-30T19:40:00.000-08:002005-05-26T09:43:31.480-07:00<span style="font-weight: bold;">This joke has a surprise at the end.<br /><br /></span>Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked the clerk, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does this cost?"<br /><br />"Just one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.<br /><br />"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take five yards."<br /><br />With expectation and anticipation showing all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.<br /><br />The girl took the package, smiled a big smile at the clerk, and then pointed to an old man standing next to her. "Grandpa will pay the bill! Goodbye!" she laughed and walked away.<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />Did you get the joke? The clerk expected to get a kiss from the girl but the girl asked her Grandfather to kiss him instead.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:arial;" ></span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Know any good jokes?</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Feel free to make a contributio to blabberwocky@vec.ca</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">For more English language resources, see the Vancouver English Centre site.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Vancouver English Centre</span><br /><a style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.vec.ca/">http://www.vec.ca</a><a href="http://www.vec.ca/"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/9342780-110187291130786261?l=english-humor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Blabberwockynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9342780.post-1101756622374499422004-11-29T11:22:00.000-08:002005-05-26T09:37:30.466-07:00<span style="font-weight: bold;">This joke shows how important punctuation can be. As you can see below, a comma and an exclamation mark can completely change the meaning.</span><br /><br />An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "woman without her man is nothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.<br /><br />The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."<br /><br />The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Know any good jokes?</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Feel free to make a contributio to blabberwocky@vec.ca</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">For more English language resources, see the Vancouver English Centre site.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Vancouver English Centre</span><br /><a style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.vec.ca/">http://www.vec.ca</a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/9342780-110175662237449942?l=english-humor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Blabberwockynoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9342780.post-1101533569204083972004-11-26T21:22:00.000-08:002004-11-29T11:40:25.076-08:00<span style="font-family:arial;">This joke makes a play on words, changing their normal meaning to create humor. <br /> <br /> <br /></span><strong><span style="font-family:arial;">A customer ordered some coffee in a café. The waiter arrived with the coffee. and placed it on the table. After a few moments, the customer called for the waiter. <br /> <br />'Waiter,' he said. 'There's <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">dirt</span> in my coffee!' <br /> <br />'That's not surprising, Sir,' replied the waiter. 'It was <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">ground</span> only half-an-hour ago.' </span></strong> <br /> <br /> <br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Know any good jokes? Feel free to make a contribution. <br /> <br />Blabberwocky</span> <br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span> <br /><span style="font-family:arial;">For more English language resources, see the Vancouver English Centre site. <br />Vancouver English Centre <br />http://www.vec.ca </span> <br /><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/9342780-110153356920408397?l=english-humor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Blabberwockynoreply@blogger.com9